Why is saying no so hard?

Does anyone else have the same problem? The answer is yes!…Why though?

Through conversations, and just thinking about thoughts, I’ve learned why it’s hard for me sometimes.  The short answer is disappointment and not wanting people to leave. I’ll elaborate on that.

It hurts, and it can be humiliating when people decide you’re not longer worthy of their loyalty and companionship and turn their backs on you. Who wants to go through that?  Not me! The feelings that brings up for me are feelings I typically avoid like sadness, shame, guilt, confusion, and anger. I avoid most of those feelings like the plague, but when there’s no avoiding it it doesn’t end well.

A man asked me to be his girlfriend and I was not interested and I said no (politely of course). I started to panic thinking I’d hurt his feelings and it was all my fault and now everything was ruined. I ended up taking a knife and scratching my up arm with it in an attempt to stop the panicky gross feeling and slow things down. That is definitely not something I would recommend.

So I guess it’s not only fear of disappointing others and fearing they’ll leave or reject me, but also avoiding my feelings that make me uncomfortable. I don’t know why others do it, but maybe it’s for similar reasons.