Which Thoughts Do I Listen To Tonight?

It’s back to suicidal thoughts tonight. I feel unwanted, useless, hurt. I feel like a burden on people I used to rely on with no where else to turn. I had a drink before 10 am today, and smoked some pot, but after that nothing to be inebriated. In fact, today I exercised, ate, and had plenty of fluids. I even slept well yesterday. All of that said, today fucking sucks…Do I drink more? Do I take an ativan? Vicodin? A mixture of all three?

Or do I do nothing and cry myself to sleep? That sounds more like it. I have to work in the morning and can’t be sick…or dead.

I understand that, but it doesn’t stop these thoughts. I hate myself. If it’s not anxiety about health, it’s about what others think, and if it’s not that I’m depressed. I had like 5 good days so far this year….5 out of 43. That’s fucking shitty.

I have nothing positive to end this with tonight other that let’s hope tomorrow isn’t shitty too.

4 thoughts on “Which Thoughts Do I Listen To Tonight?

  1. I look at the 5 out of 43 and applaud you that you had 5 good days, rather than 0! To me that is a small success that can be celebrate. I find that it is so important to look at the positives, even when it feels like there are only negatives.

    Never give up! Your life is worth it. My prayers are with you tonight.

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