Sleep Is My Escape

I don’t know about you, but for me getting to sleep can be a struggle. That’s when intrusive thoughts run wild, and I obsess over the past, future, and even the now. It’s depressing. My thoughts and feelings have such a hold on me. April 25th, please hurry up. Sleep is my escape, sometimes. Other times it’s just as torturous. I have OCD in my dreams too. I’ve dreamt that I killed two people, and my cat, then woke up and compulsively checked for three days about what that might mean. I had anther dream that I was in a college classroom, and an asshole was released from jail before his trial for killing five people in a mall, he walked in and started shooting people in the head. The guy next to me and I made it out alive, only to develope flashbacks from it and to be checking the locks in my dream to make sure he for sure wasn’t coming through that door. One more, then I’ll stop. I had a dream that in my dream I was sleeping and woke up to various empty prescription pill bottles around me in my bed… only to really wake up panicking at 5 in the morning. I have a fear of taking pills in mass quantities like that for whatever reason, and I’ve had intrusive thoughts about it in the past. 

I know I don’t have a bad life. That isn’t what this is supposed to sound like. This is me just getting it out of my head. I don’t know what’s wrong with my moods, I don’t know why I developed OCD as a kid. I’m trying to figure this out. 

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