It’s been forever, but it was planned.
My psychiatrist said I have Rapid Cycling Bipolar 2. And that was kind of hard to hear, but only after I really thought about it. In the moment it really seemed to fit, and the longer I think about it, it does fit. All rapid cycling means is that you have four or more episodes of either mania, hypomania or depression, or mixed episode’s. A mixed episode is when you experience both symptoms of mania, or hypomania and depression at the same. In bipolar 2 you only ever reach hypomania. If it goes above hypomania into full blown mania then that means you have bipolar 1. I was afraid to say this stuff to my family, but now my mum and dad both know. I have been on a mood stabilizer called lamictal, or lamotrigine for a month now, and I’ve noticed differences since the 2nd week.
Taking lamictal has helped me be more calm in my day-to-day life, and has also helped me not get brought down by things as quickly or by things to such a low level that it doesn’t make sense to be that depressed. My reaction to things are much slower and calmer, but not in the sense that I feel drugged. More so that I feel more able to think things out before I act. I really enjoy this medication so far. I’m no longer feeling so much road rage, and I don’t fly off he handle so quick.
Bipolar disorder doesn’t change my identity at all. I’m an me. I am growing into a healthy me learning as I go. Will I still fuck up? Of course, but that’s part of learning. I’m happy to be taking this adventure right now. It’s a good time in my life to make changes while I’m still young.